One of the most important pieces of advice that I received from a good friend when I divorced was that “it is all about the children now.”
I will never forget hearing those words. To be able to co-parent with peace and harmony at the forefront is an enormous gift for our children.
After announcing the divorce and being separated for 2 months, the holiday’s arrived. Much to my discomfort, my children wanted their dad to come join us on Christmas morning. How could I deny my children an opportunity to be with both of their parents when they opened their gifts in the morning and celebrated the magic that the holiday brings? I could not. It was a beautiful opportunity for me as a parent to embrace what was truly important, the children. I was hearing the words again that my dear friend shared, “it is all about the children now.” We have co-parented ever since.
Decisions that are made, in the best interest of the children, are made with love by both parents.
We have a supportive relationship that continues to help our children grow and thrive. The first Christmas was the start of setting a new tone, one of working together while living in separate spaces. In looking at creating harmony, my question to myself was always, how can I put my own feelings aside and do what feels most appropriate for my children. Their father and I have both remarried and are living fulfilled lives. When high school graduation came for both my kids, I invited their father and his wife to join us for a celebration. Meals spent together showed my children a sense of unity in our family, whether we lived under the same roof or not. It created comfort for each of them. During these times, we actually laughed and shared stories about the past, remember when…
Don’t get me wrong in thinking that my emotions never played a role in this story. They certainly have. But I always felt that there was a time and a place for those emotions to be shared. My children did not create the marriage, or the divorce. They are just innocent bystanders who are most affected by the situation. The more I was able to see this clearly and remember the words of my friend, “it is all about the children now”, the easier it was to create the space to honor my children and leave my own emotions on the side lines. As I did this, times when we were all together were filled with laughter and memories that we could all share and enjoy in a pleasant environment. The impact that we had by allowing ourselves to be present in the company of one another, opened the door to immense growth for us as adults as well as a beautiful harmonious environment for our children to remember all of their lives.
I share this wisdom with anyone who is separating or divorcing. Remember, “it is all about the children now.” If we can keep these words in mind, we can shift our perspective and work to create what it is that they need and not allow our emotions to emerge like a volcano erupting.
Harmony and peace are everlasting. These memories are such treasures for our children. What types of memories do you want to leave your children with?
