My kids used to fight when they were younger. They would fight
over clothes, a missing toy, one brushing the others’ shoulder, and many other
things. It was, of course, all normal sibling issues.
When they fought and became loud, I noticed that all I wanted was for the fighting to stop immediately. I noticed that every time I got annoyed, ruffled, and joined them in the aggravation and negativity, the arguments escalated.
Something in me felt triggered by the noise and the arguing. As
a child, there was a lot of this going on in my home – usually between my
mother and me. I hated it. With my own children, I did not want to experience
this same type of anger, arguing and negativity. So, as I was triggered, I
would try to immediately shut down the argument, usually by raising my voice
too.
What I learned is that as time went on, not reacting was the best choice. As soon as we join our children in that reactive state and become agitated along with them, we fail to bring calm reasoning to the situation. When we don’t react or engage in the situation, the situation becomes diffused on its own without our control. Our children need to learn how to move through these challenges themselves. Many times their actions are meant to get a reaction out of us. Giving this type of attention only brings more fuel to the situation and creates a continued need for our kids to look for our attention in a negative way.
When I put this into practice after making this realization, the
chaos usually simmered down. I typically would say “I am not getting involved,
you are both very capable of discussing this” or “this is between you and your
sister and I know you can figure it out.” I tried to share my confidence in
them. These responses would often frustrate my children, as they wanted me to
mediate the situation and have someone be “in trouble.” However, most of the
time, these responses led them to both go to their rooms and cool down, and
then return to each other and figure it out.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. You can opt-out if you wish.Accept Full details Here Privacy
Privacy & Cookies Policy
Privacy Overview
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
