The Compassion Caveat: It’s Not Only About Others

Learning Self-Compassion Is Essential

Often times, I have people contacting me asking for guidance and support. I take this as an opportunity to show compassion and kindness.

I am a person who has a bleeding heart. I care for others in such a way that sometimes I have to protect myself, and not over-give. As a parent coach and educator, I teach people how important self-care is in everyday life. We must fill our bucket and re-energize so that we are able to take care of the important people in our lives. We cannot do that with an empty bucket.

This leads me to compassion. Many times, as parents, we find ourselves full of sympathy, understanding, kindness and compassion toward others. I have many friends and family members that will share the things that might be challenging and painful and, of course, I am supportive and kind, feeling a little bit of their pain. We all possess this skill and offer this to others in our daily lives.

When we are in pain, we also need to be able to show ourselves compassion. This is not something that many of us have seen modeled in our own lives. We are not taught the importance or necessity of being most compassionate toward ourselves. For example, I had the flu for 2 weeks. Many times when I was sick in the past, I would try to push through it, thinking that there was no time for illness. This time was different. I not only allowed myself to feel whatever was coming through my body but also acknowledge what message it was giving me. Each day, moment to moment, I took clues from my body and responded compassionately. I showed myself the same love, kindness and concern that I would show a friend. I accepted my current state and recognized that I needed to lay on the couch, not push through the illness, but instead, surrender to that moment with self-compassion.

It is so important to be kind to yourself. Here are some ideas on how to do this: first, acknowledge that whatever is happening is challenging or difficult; next, ask yourself, “what do I need right now?” and “how can I comfort and care for myself at this moment?”

These questions and their answers are not opportunities for us to bring judgment to the situation. Just like we show others compassion and kindness, we need to show ourselves that same level of respect without a judgmental attitude.

Lastly, we need to honor and accept that we are human beings, and as such, we are going to experience tough moments in our lives. Acknowledging the challenges in our lives and giving ourselves the time to care for those challenges is a small gift to yourself. We all deserve this gift.

Don’t ignore your pain. You will move forward in a more balanced way when you comfort and acknowledge what is happening within you, rather than brushing it under the rug and dismissing it. Self-compassion requires us to observe our thoughts and emotions, while willingly bring kindness, acceptance, and compassion to ourselves in those moments. Be your own support system. Offer yourself exactly what you would offer another.