Guide Versus Friend

Many times in life, we just want to be everyone’s friend. We want to befriend the people that matter most in our lives, perhaps the ones we brought into this world, or are raising.

Have you ever thought about this? Do you ever look at your children and want to be their friends? Do you want them to like you? Of course we all want this; however, when this is the main priority in our relationship with our children, things can go awry.

I know that, at one time, I parented from this place of fear, the fear that my children might not like me. Many of my clients worldwide fall into this same thought process. It is hard to want to connect as friends and be liked by our children, while also raising them, teaching them, and disciplining them.

Well, we cannot have it all. I think the most important thing in parenting is to look at our mission or desire for our children, daily. For example, if you want your children to feel loved and cared for but also to learn through your guidance, then that is not about friendship – that is about love and guidance. If you want to teach them math skills or help them thrive in school in a way that serves them, that is also guidance.

Moreover, if we look at these examples as opportunities to guide our children, rather than putting them in a bubble or protecting them from failure, forgetfulness, loss of a game, a bad grade, etc., then they will learn on their own and us as parents as a guide, rather than a problem-fixer.

Love and compassion can lead the way. We are present as their guides, walking side by side with them through life. We are not greater than and they are not less than. We are not typical friends – we are here to help and guide. The personal attachment to the moment-to-moment feeling from a child is not something we have control over anyway – so allowing it to be what it will be is the best way to flow.

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