Sometimes we let our emotions run high and become so angry or frustrated with the behavior in front of us that we just simply let go. However, when we yell or scream at our children, does it really bring a positive change to the current situation? Yelling has a gasoline on fire effect – it ignites and escalates the situation at hand.
Yelling does not offer our children a great method of handling frustration and anger. When we as parents yell, we are modeling this for our children. We are saying to them that it is okay to let our emotions get the best of us in an explosive way. Additionally, we are teaching our children that yelling is the way we are heard in the end, which is usually not an effective way to be communicate.
Why do we need to stop yelling? When we yell at our children, we increase their fear and their fight or flight response, which in turn disconnects us from our children. Yelling can actually scare our kids.
We need to be aware of our emotions and connect with our bodies, in order to recognize what it feels like when we want to yell and how to transfer that into a healthier and more effective approach of expression. How do we tap into this?
First, when you get angry, mad, or frustrated, notice what is going on inside of you. Pay attention to your internal feeling. Is your heart racing? Are your palms sweaty? Noticing these triggers on a physiological basis is important. Learning how to shift this to create more tranquility in your parenting practice and lessen the yelling will have a ripple effect in your children.
WebMD falsifies a lot of myths about yelling. Do you believe any of the following myths about yelling?
“But… my kids don’t listen if I don’t yell.
But… if I don’t yell, they won’t take me seriously.
But… shouting is the only way I get respect from my kids
But… I don’t have time to reason with them.
But… the damage is done; I’ve been yelling for years!” (Sturiale, n.d.).
We must coach ourselves with kindness and compassion through these emotions so that they do not show up in our interactions with our children. Managing your emotions is so important. Recognition and awareness is the first step. You must first recognize them and be aware of them. Commit to the fact that you do not want to be a yeller. Ask your children to help you by holding you accountable when you lose it, reminding you that there is a better way to communicate. This is a great way to model what you are working on and how important it is for us to help each other. It also gives your children a sense of efficacy and autonomy.
Remaining calm offers us the opportunity to conserve energy and regulate our own emotions instead of expending energy and getting frustrated. Remember, we do not actually accomplish anything by yelling; in fact, it usually has an immediate opposite effect.
Sturiale, J. (n.d.). Why Losing Your Temper and Yelling At Your Kids Isn’t Cool. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/stop-yelling-at-your-kids#2
This is so true. We need to break the cycle of fear-based parenting.
Exactly. It is so important. Thank you for your support.